When you’re going through a divorce, it’s important to remember you’re experiencing a loss. Whether you ended things on amicable terms or things hadn’t been going well for a long time, it’s still an ending.
As a result, it’s normal to grieve.
There are plenty of external factors you experience when recovering from a divorce. You have to decide who gets the house, handle legal matters, organize finances, etc. You might have to work out a custody/visitation arrangement with kids.
After the divorce is finalized, however, your focus is usually the internal process—which, has no time limit. Here’s why.
The Factors of Recovery
How long it takes you to “get over” your divorce depends on a variety of different factors. If you weren’t happy for a long time, it might be easier to get over it faster. If the divorce caught you by surprise, the grieving process might take longer.
Additionally, if you were married for a long time, it can be difficult to simply find your sense of self again. When your identity is dependent on another person for so long, “finding yourself” will likely take longer and be harder.
You also have to deal with the grief factor. Again, divorce is a type of loss. Everyone deals with grief differently, and there is no ideal timeline for how quickly you need to get through it. The most important thing you can do is to accept it.
How to Recover Faster
There isn’t a magic solution to getting over your divorce quickly. But, there are things you can do to make the process easier on yourself. Which also means that there are also things you can do to make it more difficult.
One of the best things you can do is to find support. You might feel as though you have to deal with the process all alone, but that’s not true. Family and friends can be great to lean on.
Additionally, there are support groups specifically designed to help men and women dealing with divorce. Sometimes, just talking about your feelings can make it easier to get through.
Don’t pretend that you’re okay if you’re not. You don’t have to constantly appear to be holding it all together. In fact, that will make things worse. When you try to push away negative emotions, they’ll undoubtedly surface again later. Furthermore, these emotions can feel even heavier because you’ve repressed them for so long.
Ask for help, let people in, and allow yourself to accept and embrace whatever you’re feeling. You might not like your current reality, it’s true. Yet, the sooner you accept it the sooner you can start to realize that things will work out for the best.
Accept Your Mistakes and Seek Help
You don’t have to be perfect in order to get through a divorce. You will make mistakes once you start out on your own again. You’ll likely fumble in your own life, and you’ll make mistakes with your children, too. You may even stumble back into loneliness if you haven’t fully been able to grieve yet.
Mistakes are okay. They’ll help you to keep learning and growing. So don’t beat yourself up over them. Give yourself credit for your strength and willingness to learn, even through adversity.
If it has been a while since your divorce and you’re still feeling extremely sad or as if the divorce is consuming a huge part of your life, you might want to consider talking to a therapist.
Please, contact our office today to learn more about how you can find happiness after dealing with a divorce. We offer individual counseling, a divorce support group, and a women’s empowerment group to help you design the next chapter of your life.